Lots of steps yesterday.

After walking a bit at work and coming home and walking for about three miles I remembered that I had to mow the lawn. Then go shopping. The upshot of that is that I ended up with over 20,000 steps yesterday. It was a good day. :)

So far this whole experiment is a success. I haven't been perfect in food choices, but then I'm trying to discover what perfection in food choices means. I haven't done wretched either - pretty much avoiding sugar completely. So I'm considering this a rousing success.

Another thing recently decided - I'm going to do official weigh-ins on Wednesdays. If I remember I will try to take a picture of the scale, just for accountability's sake.

Tonight I'm going camping with my daughters. It should be a good time. I'm expecting to have quite a few steps this afternoon between getting everything ready, setting up camp, and just having a good time.

This may be the last entry until Monday, though, as weekends I'm not sitting at my computer. So until then...

-Silas

Blog time.

Well, day one was a success. Got up, did my thing, went to bed. Gross oversimplification, but there it is.

I've decided on a few things. First - I am NOT going to be posting pictures of everything I eat and every time I work out.. Somehow I thought it might help - but turns out it's more of a hassle than I am willing to deal with right now. Maybe someday I'll streamline things, but for now this isn't going to work.

Second - I really think that this plan is going to work. I am going to be thinking about positive long-term changes, and how to keep them both positive and long-term. I'll be tweaking things, for sure, but for now I'm feeling good about things.

Third - when you drastically up your water and fiber intake all of a sudden...there are gastrointestinal consequences. I'll just leave that there.

As for yesterday...

I ate just shy of 2000 calories yesterday while burning almost 3700. That's good - but I am wondering about tweaking that number a bit. While it's awesome to lose weight quickly, I am worried about what happens to the body's metabolism when calories are cut too drastically. (Go google the article about Biggest Loser contestants and metabolism. Eye opening, sad, and frightening all at the same time.)

I did a 45 minute workout in the afternoon. Nothing huge, but I did get myself moving. This was a big positive for me.

I drank over 64 ounces of water. I don't know exactly how much - as near the end of the day I forgot to measure, but I think it was probably around 80-90. But I'll give myself credit for 64.

I have a few things this weekend that should make everything marginally harder, but I am very hopeful that this new plan will keep me on track. I've got a campout (shouldn't be TOO bad) and a birthday party for my daughter who wants me to cook desserts in dutch ovens. That one will be a bit tough. But I can do it...

-Silas

And so it begins.

Quick notes...

I've decided against the DietBet for now. I may end up changing my mind tomorrow even, but for today, it's not happening.

I am still tweaking my spreadsheet, but it's in a pretty good state right now. I'm happy with what I have, and with where I think I can be headed.

I'm at work, have eaten nothing, and have brought my workout clothes. It's a blank slate today for me to start with.

So...

For absolute total beginning...

I weighed this morning. Not as good as I had hoped. Not as bad as I had feared. But it's bad enough. Starting weight:

318.6

Interesting how it's very nearly exactly 100 pounds up from when I won the weight loss competition just over two years ago. Basically I'm up 1 pound a week. It's amazing how easy that is to do.

Doesn't matter. I know two things right now. Where I am, and where I want to go. Those are the two most important right now.

I am going to have two new goals starting today:

1) See how fast I can get to 1,000,000 steps. I want to try to do it in under 3 months. For those who are counting, that's just under 11,000 steps per day. That is VERY doable.

2) Start my long-term countdown to 100 pounds lost. Since that was what was gained, I think that it's only fair that this is my goal for what will be lost.

I'm not in a hurry to lose the weight. Yes, the sooner it comes off the better. But I am going to attempt something that I haven't done in the past, which is a slower, more methodical, and theoretically permanent life changing weight loss. The point of this mindset is so that I don't have any sort of let-down at the end. No changing back to bad habits. Or more accurately no ditching of new short-term habits for long term sloth and gluttony.

I guess we will see where this goes. But the good news is that I haven't felt this good about my direction in a while now. I know it's easy to lose this feeling. But at least it's here.

For the moment, anyway.

-Silas

There's always a good reason

I've spent the weekend (and yesterday) working through what I am hoping is going to be a good motivational tool. I've set up a way for me to track my progress and efforts, along with putting actual value to the efforts and successes. I may need to tweak it a bit over the next while, but the program is solid, I think.

To make things even more interesting, I'm planning on joining a dietbet as well. If I'm going to be paying myself for doing well, I might as well add in others doing some of the paying. Oh, I'm not going to be spending thousands of dollars on myself or anything, but if I am doing hundreds, it makes sense to do the dietbet to see how much I can get others to do.

Today I'm at a developer conference for work. I can't really control the food. Can I?

There's always an excuse. There is always a reason to start later. There's always another day, another activity, another reason to NOT do what I know that I need to do.

But what are my reasons for doing WELL?

That's what I'm pondering today. I need to come up with, and write down, the reasons that I am going to do well. My excuses for treating myself as I deserve to be treated.

To continue these rambling semi-incoherent thoughts...

I was talking with my daughter yesterday about positive self talk. I think that I need to take some of my own advice. I have been down on myself for a while. Not treating myself well.

Time for that to stop. Those "good reasons" that I can always come up with? They are starting to fall by the wayside again.

So it really is T-minus 1 day right now. I'm going to get everything in order today to be ready for tomorrow. I'm going to plan things out, get everything ready, and write my goals down. I'm going to post my progress/reward sheet on google docs so that I can access it anywhere.

I really do know what to do. Right now, the biggest things is to be a bit like AA - I need to take this thing one day at a time.

We'll see how it goes...

But this JUST might work. All i know is that I can't give up.

-Silas

I'm not above a little bribery.

I'm a Scoutmaster. It's one of the things that I do. Anyone who has been around Boy Scouts for any length of time knows that the average 12-13 year old boy (my age group) is sometimes only marginally interested in doing Scouting things.

Everyone LOVES going camping. They love when we go swimming, rifle shooting, playing games, and any number of activities. Elective merit badges are awesome.

Required ones, however, are a lot harder to get them to work on. Citizenship badges, while VERY useful and informative, are - let's face it - boring compared to the Game Design merit badge.

So sometimes I bribe them. If they complete this badge, we'll have an activity of some sort. A lot of times it's just making popcorn at my house while I let them play Mario Kart, something like that. We don't do this a lot, but it really does help.

Well...

I have now decided that I am not above bribing myself. I know what it is that I need to do to lose weight. I really do. It's just getting the motivation to get things done. So how am I going to bribe myself?

Obviously food is out. A task that I have, which is something that I'm going to be working on for the next several years, I expect, is to come to a much healthier relationship when it comes to food. This is going to have to be an ongoing thing - not something that I think I can come up with quickly.

So food is NOT a reward that is going to work for me.

However...

I don't buy a lot of extra things. It's really hard to justify spending money on myself except for when I get money for a birthday or Christmas. Oh, I'll buy a book if I need something to read, I'll buy a movie, small things...

But larger purchases - $250 for RC car upgrades, $1000 for a vacation, $3000 on a musical instrument...

That's the kind of thing that I don't spend money on. Just can't justify it.

This is the sort of thing that intrigues me. I think that bribing myself with the thought of a larger purchase can possibly work. The last time I lost 85 pounds, it was in a Weight Loss competition where the prize was a $1500 travel voucher. My wife and I used it to go to Hawaii. It was amazing.

But just saying "someday in the future you can buy something big" isn't immediate enough. I need something way closer to the moment.

So I've decided to put together of a way that I can "earn" money. Here's what I've come up with so far:

Activity	How much
First 10000 steps	$0.00005/step
Calorie deficit	$0.0002/cal
Workout (strenuous cardio)	$0.0005/min
Workout (pyramids, other)	$0.20/day
Veggies	$0.10/serving
Fruits	$0.05/serving

This means that a calorie deficit of 500 will give me $0.10 per day. Strenuous cardio is $0.30 per hour. Steps - this is $0.50 per 10000 steps.

This doesn't really seem like much. But if I do 10,000 steps per day, have a 1500 calorie deficit per day, do a 30 minute workout, do my pyramids 5 days out of 7, and eat 5 servings of veggies and 3 fruits per day, that would work out to around $13 per week.

I know...I know...this isn't a lot. But for me this is about LONG TERM changes.

I'm going to tweak this. Maybe have some "boosters" for pounds lost, for certain milestones, etc.

In the end, after a year of doing this, there is a chance at this becoming some serious money. Well, serious for a middle-class income type guy - but enough to buy something nice for myself.

Time to consider for this. I believe that this will start on Sunday.

I will be back. Something has to change, and I'm feeling positive about this one.

-Silas

Two days late, and an hour short...

...but maybe, just maybe, I've taken the first few steps this morning.

Got up and weighed first thing. WAY worse than it should have been, WAY better than it could have been. But to get to where you want to go, you have to know both endpoints - where you want to go, and where you currently are. I've got that now.

Drove straight to work today, brought my workout clothes. There is a workout class at 8:00 am, but I really didn't feel ready for it. So I'm working out on my lunch break.

Food - brought my lunch today. My company just moved to a brand new building. The old building had a cafe where I could get pretty good options. The new building has a cafe as well, but the choices are just abysmal. I know that there are probably some that like them, but the "healthy" choices are usually rather unappetizing to me.

So...

My plan...

Still working it through. But here are the current elements:

1) Stick within my calorie deficit. This means that (for now) I can eat a bit more if I do exercise. I must NEVER eat as many calories as I exercise, however.
2) Use myfitnesspal to track everything.
3) Up my fruits/vegetables significantly - at least 4 vegetable servings per day, and 3 fruit servings per day.
4) Hit 10,000 steps daily (I've got some fitbit friends I need to beat...)
5)
6)

That's all I have at the moment. I do know that my fitness plan does need some work. I will keep coming up with it. I am also considering the "take a picture of everything I eat" route with the food. That could help a lot to keep me honest in the food department.

Something else that I need to work on...fear. More on that next time.

For now, time to get to work. Have a good day...

-Silas

Something has to change.

It's time for the normal "tail between the legs" return to blogging that normally accompanies a long break. Of what, 9 1/2 months?

As you can probably guess, doing the same old thing has brought me back to the same old place yet again. I do know that something has to change.

I know what to do to get things to work. Eat way less crap, eat way more raw foods, and get moving a lot more. But when you have an eating disorder, that is a lot easier said than done.

I need something. Accountability? Certainly. A new plan? Maybe. Motivation? Definitely.

So I may start taking to posting here on a daily basis as an accountability thing. I am considering taking a picture of every single thing that goes into my cake-hole, both liquid and solid, and then posting all of it here.

I have been trying to start and restart since last September, and there is always "one more." One more work lunch, one more holiday, one more scout activity...there is always one more.

But I do know that there is one more thing that I need.

I need a new mindset.

I've always done the diet thing until I've lost a ton of weight. But then my mind shifts back to whatever it is that I want. For some reason my brain thinks of food and dieting as all or nothing.

That is silly. And consciously I reject it.

However, subconsciously, it is in the forefront of my beliefs, apparently.

Time to find a way to change mindsets. Time to find some way of changing natural reactions, and trying to forget the all or nothing mentality.

I need to find a way to not just go on a diet. I need to make a long-term life change.

I've known this for a very long time. I have yet to find a way to accomplish it.

So over the next three days I'm going to try to spend some time figuring out version 1.0 of a long-term life plan. Then on Monday I'm going to start it officially.

I'm also most likely going to be working out the format and content of my (hopefully) daily posts as well.

Get ready for a ton of pics of what I'm ingesting.

As long as I can keep rigorous honesty here with what I eat, then I truly believe that this will help.

Time for another change.

Time for another start.

Because even though I've given up, I refuse to actually give up.

See you soon.