Tuesday, June 23, 2015

I'm back...

Scout camp was amazing. I'm frantically trying to catch up on work that accumulated while I was gone, so I may be scant for a while.

I weighed on Sunday - it was 279.8. Fantastic, but probably a significant amount of water weight. I'll weigh and post this coming Saturday, it will be more realistic. And hopefully still down. ;)

Be back soon...


Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Another good day.

It's good to get on a roll. There's something about feeling in the zone that seems to make things a bit easier. I really can't tell you what the difference is right now as opposed to a week ago. Is it that I posted my weight online? Maybe. It could just be that I didn't give up, and eventually the re-start process is going to kick in again.

Doesn't matter. All that matters is that right now I am where I want to be. Or at least I'm heading in the direction in which I wish to be travelling.

I find myself obsessing over what I did and did not eat. I think that from now on, unless it's a massive thing, I am not going to be posting every single breath mint that I decided not to eat. (Yes, that was an exaggeration). I will, however, continue to post about ups and downs, and the big victories.

I mentioned in my first post yesterday that I have something that I am visualizing when I want some motivation...

Last July we went on a week-long pseudo-camp as a family reunion. (I say pseudo camp, because those who are "roughing it" are in cabins, and those who are not are in what amounts to a hotel. But it IS in the mountains!) It was a fantastic time.

I was at pretty much my lowest weight. I had been running quite a bit and was in great shape as well. I decided to take a hike to a waterfall. The hike is about 1.5 miles either direction. It might be 2. I wanted to do it pretty fast. So I did some trail running for the first time in my life.

Still, I took it sort of easy - just a nice steady jog for some of it. Uphill, mostly. It was a blast.

I looked at the falls for a while. I watched the kids playing in the water. I felt great.

After a while I started back. I did the same thing - part jogging, part walking. Nice and easy, while still getting my heart rate up.

When I finally got back to camp, I was at the bottom of a flight of log steps. It's probably about 3 flights of normal stairs, possibly more. Well, I wanted to finish quickly. When I hit the steps, I ran up them as fast as I could.

When I got to the top, I was breathing hard, I was a little tired, but in the end I felt AMAZING. I was in shape and I knew it.

That moment right there is what I keep visualizing when I need a bit of motivation. I have been there. Less than a year ago. And I know that I can be there again.

I just need to keep on doing what I know I need to keep on doing.


Monday, June 8, 2015

It's calling...

I love my job. They give us a ton of great benefits and they treat me very well here. But there is one benefit that I think, at this moment, I wish didn't exist...

The Frozen Yogurt Machine.

It's sitting down there, calling my name.

I'm ignoring it. For the first time in MONTHS, I'm ignoring it.

This means a ton to me. I don't know if it's a one-off for today, but for now it's good.

If I can just wait until about 2:00 PM, that's when they empty it for the day. It is never as good when they put the rest into the freezer, so it will no longer be a temptation.

Almost there, feeling great.

As has been my mantra for the past few days - I'll take it when I can get it.


Successful weekend, good start to the day.

Posting my weight on Saturday had the desired result - the weekend went very well, and today has started out exactly as I have wanted.

Saturday was a good day. I spent about 5 hours of it moving my younger brother's stuff from one apartment to another. Spending that much time walking back and forth and lifting heavy things can burn quite a few calories. I brought two of my kids with me (they are 12). It was a good thing that we went, too, as we doubled the number of people doing the move. While the kids didn't necessarily lift the heavy stuff, they did move a LOT of the smaller boxes. They were a great help.

Afterwards, my brother treated everyone to frozen custard. I think that it would have completely replaced most of the calories I burned, if not all of them, so I declined. It was a victory - not just in the ability to decline, but the ease with which I did it. My brain wasn't screaming at me to eat it. Which is a bit strange, but I'll take it when I get it.

This morning I haven't eaten breakfast yet, but that's because I'm waiting for the free berries at 9:00. All in all I'm feeling good, and it's about time, too.

I'm wanting to have a great week. One week from today I'm going to be on my way to Scout Camp with a bunch of scouts. I will be completely out of communication for the entire week. With all of the walking I'm going to do, I expect to be down significantly before the end of it.

Speaking of what is coming up...

After Scout Camp, I've got two weeks at home, and then we're heading on a family vacation for a week and a half. To tell you the truth, that is going to be HARD. I need to be in as good a place as I can possibly be before that starts. This is why I have been feeling rather desperate to get back into the swing of things.

That, and I REALLY do miss what it felt like to be in shape.

Another time I'll mention what it is that I'm visualizing when I need to get some motivation.


Saturday, June 6, 2015


In the interest of staying accountable, I have decided to post weekly weigh-ins for the foreseeable future. I don't actually know anyone who reads this blog, but I can still feel the power of the positive pressure. At least that is the idea. 

So without further ado, here is this week's weight. 

Not what I was hoping for, but better than it could have been. I do have to say that it has already been a motivating force this morning. I got up to take my daughter to a parade (she is in the local high school band) and all I've had so far is 16 oz of water. 

So there is that. 

I'm off to get a healthy breakfast, and then on with the day.


Friday, June 5, 2015

Ideas are percolating.

Today is, as I would have expected, still a struggle. But the fight is being fought, and so far today I am winning. I intend to continue winning today.

I have a bit of a headache, so I'm going to go get a ton of water to see if that helps out. Usually this is what happens when I get dehydrated. Yeah, I know, me and everyone else. Just spouting out a bit of my self-awareness today.

Some of the percolating ideas...

First of all, I think that what may help me the most is to get into certain habits. I have some bad ones, and I need to get some good ones to put in their places.

One of the habits that I need is to write down everything that I'm eating, at least for now. Last year, I wrote down every bite of food for both January and February, and over half of March. From there I was in a good enough groove with good enough awareness of what I was eating that it wasn't as necessary.

But until I get there, (and maybe after?) I need to write it all down. I seriously love the idea of tweeting everything that enters my cake-hole. I want to do this, but I do know that it will take making the habit. When something is ingrained in my head then it works. Until then...well, it will be a struggle.

Second, I am going to weigh tomorrow. If I remember, I'll snap a picture. If not...well, either way, I will post the weight by Monday. Saturdays will be my weigh-in day.

Basically it all comes down to accountability. I need it, and I need it now. So I'm going to manufacture some.

On an administrative note, I am going to be posting all next week, but the week after I am going to be at Scout Camp. The bad news is that I won't have much control over my food - we are going to eat at the camp cafeteria. The good news is that they usually have good options. The even better news is that last year I averaged about 17,500 steps per day at camp.

So it's a good day so far. Nothing of note, and that's notable.

Time to get accountable. I will try to post tomorrow.


Thursday, June 4, 2015

It all starts with right now.

I am never going to get to next year staying on track - or even 100 days, or even 10 - without TODAY being the day where everything starts.

I have done what I needed to this morning. I drove directly to work.

It has to start somewhere. And that somewhere has to be right here, right now.

So many thoughts, so little time. I should be back later.


Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Need help.

I've gone through this long enough now to see that the direction I'm heading in is, yet again, NOT a good one. I've also gone through it enough times to know that if I can just get going in the right direction, I have a good chance of getting some good results.

Going back to this guy again - he is an incredible model of stability. And recovery. Maybe this is what I am missing...treating this as a recovery from an addiction. I still don't know. But based on some behaviors over the past week, I'm thinking that this is the case.

I am in trouble. I know that I need help.

So I am asking for it.

Anyone who reads this - can you answer these questions:

What made you decide to make changes?
What got you over the "hump" to where the changes were now habits?
Do you have any tips/tricks/advice for someone who is seriously in the throes of addiction?

The first time I lost weight, I think it was the novelty of it all. I followed the Weight Watchers program. Maybe it was because I was going to be weighing in with someone else weekly - they wrote down the numbers. Whatever it was, it just worked.

Until I stopped.

The second time I lost weight, there was a competition at stake. My weight was going to on a big poster where the entire rec center can see. There was also a $1500 prize involved. I followed exactly what my trainer told me to do. It completely worked.

Until I stopped.

I don't have anything like this at the moment - nothing public, no prize, nothing.

So...any ideas?

I've got an inkling, but I would REALLY like some help.



Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Not quite the shakes...

Holy crap do I have an addiction to food. It took a bit to get in to work this morning without stopping for "whatever."

The most pernicious thought right now is "tomorrow." "Just once more today," the little voice in my head will say. "You can start tomorrow morning."

But as so many others have found and stated far more eloquently than I can - there IS no tomorrow. There is only today.

There is only really right now.

And right now, I am finally back on track.

Even if it is a struggle.


Monday, June 1, 2015

One thing down, one to go.

Halfway back in the saddle. Food choices have been iffy.


I did decide to take advantage of a benefit here at work. They pay for a gym membership for a single person close to work here.

So I've signed up. Today was my first workout there. I've got a spiffy new keychain code, and a lot of motivation to use it.

Working right now on a plan to get my food under control.

Does anyone know of any good online forums about food addiction/eating disorders?