Wednesday, April 29, 2015

To Fat 2

It's amazing. The final weigh in for my competition was on a Saturday. It took until exactly the following Monday for me to start the backslide.

I deserve it, I thought. I have worked hard, I can eat some crappy food today. Easy. I'll be fine after that.

I hadn't even gone to the closing ceremony for the competition yet. That is how pathetic my attempt at maintaining my weight was. Just over 50 hours.

That was the end of June.

We had a trip planned to Hawaii over Pearl Harbor Day. By the time December came around, so many of my bad habits returned that I was already at 260 pounds.

By the time January rolled around, I was at 275. It was very embarrassing to stand in front of the new group of people starting the weight loss competition to try to "motivate" them. I apparently did a great job - I still looked OK, especially with a compression shirt on. And when you compared that to the before pictures that I put on my first blog post - it was actually not too bad.

But I knew.

And here we are. It is now the end of April, and I am sitting here at about 288 pounds again. This is after going up and down a couple of times. I'm back up.

I feel at a bit of a loss. I sit here, right now, feeling rather full. Every day like today I sit and think to myself that tomorrow - tomorrow morning is going to be the moment that I do better. It is going to work this time.

And when tomorrow morning comes around, I will be in the same place as I was this morning...

Just one more day. I'll start tomorrow.

Because addictions are like that.

I am in trouble.

I need help.

Anyone know where to start?


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